So, I wrote a song – sounds random right? Wrong! This was an extremely thought out decision – quite possibly a little too thought out at times. Point blank, this wasn’t a “Maggie Thing” this was a “God Thing” and I feel like I need to share the entire story for you to understand it all 🙂
4 years ago God placed it upon my heart to write – but not just generalized writing – that would be too easy because I was already doing that. He instead called me to write as a Christian, mentioning His name and giving Him glory through my writing. I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to this while at a Bible Study and I was so scared. I remember crying honest tears to Patrick after attending church and feeling like that weeks sermon was also pointing me in this direction, to be a Christian writer. I didn’t feel worthy. I felt like I was so weak in my walk compared to others. I remember asking God “Who am I to speak about You? I’m no expert. I can’t quote scripture. I’m still trying to learn myself.” I made every excuse to get me out of this calling that I felt so strongly in my heart.
I was so conflicted with this calling because I was already working on writing a fun chick-lit book, I had a circle of trusted friends who would read my work then send me back their thoughts. With my blog running strong as well, I thought I had it all figured out! What’s that quote, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans” – yep, this girl had to have had God in an uproar of giggles!
I knew I needed to be obedient, but I didn’t really want to be. Every time I’d sit down to work on my little chick-lit book, all I could think of was the other Christian based idea God had planted within me. I would try to block it out, but it was impossible to focus on one thing when I knew God wanted me to be doing an entirely different thing. Fed up in the struggle, I stopped writing all together. I worked on no book. I stopped blogging.
Though I stopped writing, God didn’t stop writing the book on me. More ideas would spark on this topic laid upon me, and the more revealed, the more I believed in it and wanted to be a part of it.
Eventually I gave up, I gave it all to the Lord. I told Him to write through me, whatever that looked like.
I initially started on the book idea. I faithfully wrote whenever I could – but with the new addition of a child now – it was tough. I so badly wanted to be obedient now, because I wasn’t obedient then! I still look back upon that time that I gave up writing with regret. Without kids to take care of I could have gotten SO much more completed! But God worked on me in special ways during that time – so I know it was not in vain!
As I struggled with the balancing act of being a mom and writing a lengthy book, God placed something else on my heart, something even crazier than being a Christian writer – and I didn’t think that was at all possible! God put a lyric in my heart and like super glued it there so I couldn’t remove it no matter how hard I tried. Oh the conversations I had with God! “A lyric? Really God? I am NOT musical! I can’t sing! I don’t play an instrument! I don’t know how to read music! You may have placed me in Music City but no I’m not being a part of it if it involves anything other than listening!” You’d think I’d have learned from the first time right? God wins, not me.
For over a year I struggled with this! I knew what God wanted me to do, but again, I didn’t want to do it. I love music, but anything involving me being musical is so far out of my comfort zone! I didn’t even let Patrick hear me sing in the car until after we were engaged! That is how self conscious I am of my voice!!! Furtermore, I didn’t even know how to be obedient to this! What did I know about music? Nothing! After some serious prayer, I realized that it’s not about me and my comforts, and it’s not about what I know, it’s about God and His will for my life. I started to see doors open up, and I knew it was up to me to at least walk through them and explore this for my sake and Gods.
At the beginning of February, I found myself in a room full of singer-songwriters at a monthly meetup for Girls Write Out. I was introduced to this group by my church, who had the “Girls Write Out” listed as one of the winter Life Groups. Reading the description seemed like an answered prayer! “A community for Christian women, from different points in their songwriting journey.” Surely there would be more women like me who had never written a song before, right?! Ha! Ha! I’m not certain, but I sincerely doubt it after being there!
When I got there I knew immediately I was WAY out of my league! Friendships were already formed, and I knew nobody! Even the few faces from church that I recognized, I didn’t know these ladies very well, and some not at all. I sat alone and prayed and felt an overwhelming feeling from God. I heard Him speak to me in that moment “I’m going to keep pushing you outside of your comfort zone” – and that He did! When we did worship I was so afraid to sing, because it sounded like I was in a room full of angels – seriously, the women of this group have some talent!! The writer of the “Revelation Song”, Jennie Lee Riddle, was our speaker for the night. Wouldn’t you know at one point she spoke about comfort zones – of all things to talk about! From that, I felt validation through God. I felt like that was His way of telling me I was right where He wanted me to be – even if it was scary for me!
After the Girls Write Out meeting I was waiting to be paired up with another woman to write with, because I was that clueless of what I was doing, I thought that was how it worked! I finally realized our Facebook group was to be used for making the writing connections – haha! With big faith and a prayer, I pressed send and asked if anybody would like to write with someone who has never written a song before. Sweet Olivia responded back within minutes (thank you for that!!) saying that she would love to write together, and so starts the story of Authentically Me 🙂
Olivia and I started the song last week. Upon meeting I found out that she too had been praying, asking God for new people to write with. I truly feel like God’s hand was upon this song! He answered both of our prayers by guiding us together and I pray that it touches even just one person. Anything more is a bonus! We finished the song last night, and it is completely up to God what He wants done with it, I’m just excited to be along for the ride! I carried a lyric with me for over a year, it kinda became my baby, so seeing it come to life is magical to me and so very special! I hope you enjoy Olivia’s pretty vocals on this song! Y’all she put this arrangement together in her apartment – my mind is blown! I just joked with Patrick that I could convince people I was musical enough to shake the shaker (Is that what they are even called?! I’m that bad I don’t even know!) This girl is so talented and truly has a heart for teaching! I learned so much from her and am so appreciative of her for taking me under her wing 🙂
I hope you enjoy Authentically Me!!!
Looking at my own reflection
A prisoner of my imperfection
The battle in me and what I see
I’m looking in the wrong direction
So afraid to find rejection
But He looks at me, doesn’t see what I see
I am made in the Image of Christ
It’s such a privilege
Who I am is who I’m meant to be
I am uniquely personalized
By the creator
Undeniably Authentically Me
I find myself criticizing
All my flaws I have been disguising
Qualifying my insecurities
All this time I’ve been agonizing
All along He’s been customizing
So I could be the best version of me
I am woven together by the King of Kings
I am fearfully and wonderfully made
There is no one who can take that away from me
So I will honor Him with all my praise