This one simple word sums up how I feel right now, my pregnancy is in full force and I am filled with so much discomfort! Not one area of my body feels the same as it did pre-pregnancy. Every single part of me is bigger…most of my shoes no longer fit because my feet have swelled, I can no longer wear my wedding rings because my hands are swollen…even my nails and hair are longer (hey, thanks prenatal vitamins!) I wish I was one of those women who felt beautiful and sexy in pregnancy, but alas, that’s just not me.
I’ve hit that mark in pregnancy where getting on the scale isn’t fun because it’s a guaranteed gain and the numbers are starting to scare me. I’m at that point when you’re wishing you would have bought the next size up in your maternity clothing because nothing seems to fit comfortably anymore. Shirts that used to cover my booty now just cover my belly! I now have to sit down to wiggle on underwear and pants and I feel like I should win a prize for things like shaving my legs and tying my shoelaces! To make matters worse, last week I split my favorite maternity jeans right up the bum…yep, that happened…and I was wearing them out in public too! Ugh! Maternity jeans should be made un-splittable if you ask me!
Yep, I definitely feel like I’m at capacity, but I know there is still some more physical stretching to go. I’m at 35 weeks. While that’s a good bit and Baby Bailey could be born relatively healthy at this point, I’d rather suffer through the pregnancy pains a few more weeks than have my baby endure any amount of suffering out here that comes along with coming early. I think every mom would agree…which to me is proof that along with the uncomfortable body stretches, comes the amazing stretching of your heart!
I thought my love capacity was hit long ago…the night Patrick first told me he loved me…the night we got engaged…our wedding day…I could go on and on. When a child enters the picture, you realize you’ve got so much more love to give. I can honestly say, I had never loved Patrick more than when I saw him holding Beau for the first time, and that love for him only maximizes each time I see him make Beau laugh uncontrollably, or hear him tell Beau how much he loves him.
Now the love for your child personally, that’s a whole new kind of love! My little boy steals my heart away in new ways each and every day! Each smile, each wet kiss, when he holds his little hands out to me wanting to be held, when he just runs to me for no reason, when he learns something new…even when he’s driving me crazy and makes a huge mess then follows it up with “uh-oh” – that love just grows and grows and grows!
This new baby, I haven’t even met him or her yet, but I love this little one so much already that I want to suffer more so it does not have to know what suffering is. That’s love!
A few years back, a friend of mine shared that she was scared to have her second child (whom she was due with any day) because she wasn’t sure she could love her new baby as much as she loved her first because she loved her first baby THAT much! I totally get that, but now that I’m in that same position, I wish I could go back in time and comfort her by telling her that she could, and she would, though I know now she’s figured that out for herself 🙂
God loves each and every one of us. He loves me no more than he loves you, and you no more than me. We’re all His children, and with each new addition, His love just grows! It’s a beautiful thing! His love stretches…it stretched across the cross to make the ultimate sacrifice for us and our sins. In times like this, I try to remember that. No matter how uncomfortable I may feel, how uncomfortable Jesus must have felt hanging on the cross, suffering for my sins. It’s a somber thought, but a necessary one that always gets me through what I perceive to be difficult times.
A prayer I often pray is “Lord, please grow me and stretch me” – and though I hardly meant physically, I’ll make that sacrifice to grow spiritually, for nothing worth while in life ever comes easy, right?!